I have noticed that these moments of joy always catch me by surprise. I can’t say that special conditions are needed but there is definitely a correlation between the amount of discipline I am having in my meditation practice and the frequency of these experiences. To be more precise: if I sit once or twice a day every day then I definitely will start feeling more synchronized very fast. I can also say that since I have meditation in my life I am having these experiences daily, even on very crappy and difficult days.
If you spend your days doing stuff that is impossible to do from your soul, you are violating yourself. Many of us betray our souls day in day out. It is sad and painful that we are conditioned that way. but it is your responsibility to do something about it.
When you do things wholeheartedly your work will energize you. If what you do exhausts you you are neglecting your soul, one way or the other.
The 100 Day Warrior is designed to unveil a version of yourself you weren’t acquainted with before. And there is an element of deception: the one who signs up for the course might think the program is about polishing up one’s armour and coming out bright and shiny after 100 days. But the 100 Day Warrior is not about building an armour, it is about stripping. In a way you have joined a strip club
Some weeks ago fellow blogger and fellow contributor at Elephant Journal and The Good Men Project Kate Bartolotta rocked the internet with a post called “How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps”, harvesting some 96k or so shares on Facebook. And guess what? Her post doesn’t even tell you how to get flat abs! So forget about amazing sex and ruling the world. So I wondered what my newly restored flat abs could teach me. Let me share with you what Kate didn’t: the road to flat abs and inspiring the world with help of Nelson Mandela’s teachings.
I never had a heart to heart with my father. All encounters that I had with him were pretty awful and if I add up the hours we spend in the same room during my life it will be less than 24 since 1976 (during the first 5 years of my life he was more or less a normal dad, I guess). So there was no reconciliation or feel-good happy end, something that we as a family perhaps hoped for when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
I did do a lot of work on reconciliation and forgiveness inside myself. For some reason I don’t feel so eloquent in this very moment (bit sleepy) and I find it hard to explain. It has everything to do with the awakening I experienced in 2004. It was actually not just one event but a major breakthrough followed by a whole string of events.
When I grew up the message I got was that I should become a good person. The way this goal would be attained was by getting high grades, getting diplomas, an academic title and a high paying job. Being good meant being better than others and this would eventually be reflected by my income. I should always ‘do my best’ and ‘do things I liked’. Also it was quite clear that there were many things I should NOT do, like becoming dishonest, dropping out of school, being lazy and unreliable, to name a few. The focus was on achieving. And – subconsciously – on hiding all the things I wasn’t supposed to be, according to my family, society and culture.
What nobody had told me was that there was something as an inner development, an inner growth.
Until now I made a point out of doing things differently. I was never convinced that rules and laws also applied to me, not even at a very young age. In elementary school, when the teacher addressed the class he should mention me separately because I would not feel obliged to do what ‘everybody else’ did or had to do.
When I graduated from university I was complimented on writing a thesis twice as long as the norm based on a extremely short literature list containing only 4 books. The dean considered it an example of what he called ‘my extraordinary thinking power’. But my truth was that I just wasn’t very interested in the thinking of others.
I spend a lot of time thinking and it has served me well. I like my brain. And I really used to like outsmarting others and feeling all chuffed about it. But looking back there was a pattern of liking feeling smart and avoiding feeling stupid.
When I was in L.A, I bought a Kindle, a device that allows me to read e-books. I left home with only 2 books for reasons of light traveling. From the perspective of inspiration I would have liked to bring 15 but that would have been ridiculous. But since I have my Kindle I have read quite a bit, although not as much as I want. I love the device though, I am now literally always carrying 25 books in my pocket.
The outcome of my journey should be a book. But pages can be filled in innumerable ways and I am not exactly the first or the only one with the idea to write. So I read a lot to get a taste for words, information and stories and to learn from successful examples in different genres. What speaks to people? Why? And what is my message? What exactly would I like to achieve? I am still not clear.
On the 20th of April I intend to give another Noble Warrior workshop. Just like in New York I am not receiving much response. But I decided to do my best and had my friend and designer this website and logo Boris Thorbecke quickly design a flyer for me. I have been spreading the flyer around organic food shops, healing centers and other places. I hate it. I rather go unsafe Baghdad to teach meditation with machine gunfire in the background then promote myself. Of course many people respond friendly, cooperative and interested and it is all in my mind but boy, do I find that hard. Probably because it is so up close and personal and because I feel.. vulnerable, afraid of rejection, at the mercy of the one who I am asking for permission to leave my flyers behind, ashamed of the modest scale that I operate on (although I am the only one who seems to think that). Phew.. that is a lot.
I am on the road now for 14 months and 1 week and I am finally starting to feel like a traveler and an explorer. Not that ‘learning how be a traveler’ was a goal of this journey but it seems like a logical side effect to me. It took a lot longer than I would have predicted if you had asked me before though. What is it that makes me say that I feel like a traveler? I feel the North Pole pulling at me. I feel curiosity. I feel I want to set foot in that cold emptiness. For a long time I pushed myself to places but I wasn’t drawn to them. That is changing. Maybe I have lived outside of my comfort zone long enough to not be uncomfortable anymore.