Until now I made a point out of doing things differently. I was never convinced that rules and laws also applied to me, not even at a very young age. In elementary school, when the teacher addressed the class he should mention me separately because I would not feel obliged to do what ‘everybody else’ did or had to do.
When I graduated from university I was complimented on writing a thesis twice as long as the norm based on a extremely short literature list containing only 4 books. The dean considered it an example of what he called ‘my extraordinary thinking power’. But my truth was that I just wasn’t very interested in the thinking of others.
I spend a lot of time thinking and it has served me well. I like my brain. And I really used to like outsmarting others and feeling all chuffed about it. But looking back there was a pattern of liking feeling smart and avoiding feeling stupid.