I’m thinking now “what have I learned today?” because it feels that I haven’t learned anything, that I’m merely letting you know I’m just happy. But on second thought I realize that I am harvesting now. I have said before that happines is not something we should strive for, it is a side effect caused by living from the heart. So I guess I’m letting you know that now and then everything falls into place and meditation, writing, yoga, being honest and trying to serve as good as one can lead to having a very beautiful day. And I wish to thank you for that. Because without you, the Universe would be incomplete.
I heard my American friend Luke say on Twitter that when we die people don’t remember what we said or what we did but how they felt in our presence. Tonight I told Mike the story of how I finally was able to forgive my father. I might write about that some other day. But what the conversation made me remember was a very early insight that marked the beginning of my path. I think I was somewhere halfway my twenties and in my first serious relationship. Naturally I was having a tough time. I believe that I became aware of the fact that I had the same age as when my parents got divorced and that I saw that being a kid from divorced parents is not exactly the ideal foundation for becoming a future partner. Seeing my parents as young struggling people my own age who had parents that must have been challenged in some way as well made me realize that we pass on these destructive patterns from generation to generation. What became superclear was that I would not allow myself to remain a victim of passed events. I would not become a jerk to the women in my life because my grandfather was beaten heavily by his father and my grandmother was sexually abused by clergymen. No way. The buck stops here.
As I type these first words I find myself in an airplane flying over Afghanistan. But I’m quite sure that even if I finish this post within a couple of hours it will not be published until we reach our B&B on Bali. Unless I find time and WiFi in Singapore during our stop over that is.
There is something disorienting about flying through timezones. After lunch has been served they turn off the lights at two o’clock in the afternoon and we are supposed to go to sleep. For some reason it works, and I truly have asked myself often if they put tranquilizers in the food. Now, two hours later, I have woken up and when I look outside I stare into pitch-blackness. We are flying through the middle of the night. It is 16:33.
Maybe flying is so disorienting because it messes with our expectations.