I just meditated for 45 minutes and saw another layer. Not only do I have a deep-rooted feeling of being not good enough, I also have a conviction that ‘it won’t work out for me anyway’. Both are connected to a need for love, acceptance and approval. Deep down I feel unfit to be loved. Making a ‘wrong’ intuitive decision like buying train tickets without looking on maps, triggers a feeling of failure, which in my mind confirms the loss of my relationship. I have a voice saying ‘you see, this is why women leave you, boy: it won’t work out anyway’. What happened, and this is rare for me, was that I could see the little boy in my meditation and I could tell him he was ok.
There is not much we can do about negative thoughts than observe them over and over again. Meditation helps to not take them too personal. We are not our thoughts. And by just observing the experience, the experience changes. This will ultimately clear things up. Happiness is a by-product of the clarity.