At home I lie down with an ice pack on my head, contemplating what had happened. I feel humbled and humiliated by the big impact that just a bit of fear can have on the outcome of events. At a glance you could argue that only minor mistakes were made. We shot the video, even though I notified the gym a bit too late the resistance that came up was addressed politely, and I almost lifted a badass weight. But if you look deeper and when I become more honest with myself we can see that there are some deep-rooted patterns at work.
More on Rebirth. I promised that to you and myself. My previous post started like this: The 100 Day Warrior II has come to a conclusion. Another amazing ride with a spectacular finale. I couldn’t be happier than how I felt after that day. The theme of the day was Rebirth and indeed something precious […]
A couple of days ago I did one of the most intense and sensitive jobs I ever did. I was asked to help a young woman endure the pain of a ‘cold cap’ treatment. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time in two years, which completely suck because it means the […]
It is our suffering that makes us cause suffering in others. It is our pain that makes us hurt others. We all want the suffering to stop. Some of us think that the suffering will stop if we all obey Allah, some of us think the suffering will stop if everybody can say what he wants. But regulating our belief systems will not free us from suffering and fear. The only thing we can do is challenge our belief systems. I can’t stop others rejecting me and I can’t stop others rejecting others but perhaps I can grow unto a point where I accept myself wholly and completely.
The ego is a tricky bastard. The ego goes around playing he is you, not only to the outside world but also to yourself. Many people can live a really long time without ever noticing or questioning this. But once you realize the some sort of imposter who tries to steer your vehicle in the way he thinks is best and that his way is not in your best interest al of a sudden the road becomes a lot more slippery.
Injustice is so incredibly hard to swallow. Reading Eric Garner’s last words make you realize that this was a desperate human being who reached his breaking point. He was tired of the harassment; he just wanted to be left alone. At the same time he couldn’t find the tolerance in his heart to cooperate. Humiliated one time too many, his need for dignity was stronger than his fear of a beating. He appealed to the humanity of the police officers, hoping that if he dropped his mask, they would drop theirs.
In the beginning of the movie one of the vets explains how small he felt upon his return to the United States. It’s an experience shared by almost all the men in the therapy group. When they finally got back home from their tour of duty in Iraq, they were no longer the same men whom their wives had waved off. Almost all of them have horrific tales to tell, some about a friend lost, many about the deaths of innocent Iraqis.
Today I came from a meeting in Utrecht and on my way back I was contemplating my next step in life. I accidentally saw some notes I made during a meeting with a like-minded soul some time ago. The notes were about intention and visualization. I was watching the daylight turning into soft and warm tones as the time of sunset approached. A peaceful silence came over me. I felt the courage and inspiration coming bubbling up to verbalize the next step of my vision. Although I am not sure what it is I feel that there is something ready to come out.
We fear judgment by others, loss of social status, failure and and the feeling of being inadequate. Also we fear intimacy and vulnerability. Imagine endorsing all the work of somebody close to you. What do you say next time you see him? You are afraid it will be awkward, right? Perhaps he will start thinking you look up to him, or that your are kissing his ass. We don’t want to give up our position: preferably a superior position but at least somewhat horizontally. Of course this all changes when our friend becomes officially famous. Now our relationship boosts our social status so it is safe to endorse him.
Lately I have been having a hard time producing these posts. I have to ask other people for ideas because when I sit before my screen nothing comes. Fortunately I received help in the form of a topic that was handed to me by somebody just in time. I am feeling a nervousness that […]