Beautiful – Page 6

The first day of the rest of my life

August 17, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 1 Comment

I feel clean, rested and peaceful. The temperature is very nice, not hot and sweaty and certainly not cold. There is a gentle breeze. I am typing in the garden of Villa Blubambu because I wanted a different setting than my bedroom at my brother’s place. Also I wanted to describe a different kind of experience and add some colour local. So I brought my laptop and decide to work from here.

Mathieu just brought me a glass of white wine and explained me what the occasion of today is. There is a little temple outside of the main building. Today is the anniversary of the temple. Every year there is a celebration and every 3-5 years there should be a bigger one with more guests. Today is a bigger one. We celebrate that the spirits on the grounds are well taken care of and in a good mood.

A free meditation on life

July 27, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 1 Comment

It is a quiet and somewhat overcast Friday morning. I am behind my laptop at Shangri La, the place with the best caffe latte on the beach of Shritanu. I am skipping yoga school because I want to have at least to posts online in a this week and the weekly update is sent out today (every Friday). My average is three posts per week and I have done only one. Yesterday was one of the first days that my internet connection was so slow and therefore frustrating that I gave up. Which was convenient because I downloaded the series “Game of Thrones” and need my daily fix of medieval slaughter, intrigue, conspiracy and honor more than spending time typing and reflecting.

My meditation becomes healing

June 1, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 1 Comment

A certain rawness is disappearing from my heart and being replaced by forgiveness.The last months I have tried not to pay to much attention in my writing to the loss of my relationship. But the pain was always there and there was always fear of more pain and new disappointments. The pain was so close to me that it had become part of my everyday experience. Yesterday after the yoga class and the meditation I realized it had gone. Very strange, as if it was flushed through. I feel love, confidence, strength and trust instead. It feels as if I opened channels that allow me to flush negativity and by doing that I am becoming clearer, cleaner and more me. Often I felt better after meditating, never I felt healed.

Meeting Shakti

May 25, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 1 Comment

It was amazing to just receive impersonal feminine tenderness and love. It made me feel good about myself and I feel that feeling good about ourselves is a universal human need. So often and on so many levels we don’t feel good about ourselves. And when it comes to sex and intimacy we also find many reasons not to feel good about our performance or our experience. Or we do feel proud about our performance and it becomes an ego-thing, creating separation (I was better than others). The exercise made me feel strong, appreciated, accepted, wanted, loved and masculine. Basically how any man likes to feel about himself, with or without a relationship. Oh, and let me not forget: I felt deeply grateful for the Shakti energy.

Knocked out

May 23, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 3 Comments

It is just 28 people in a circle, holding hands with their eyes closed. There is cool house music. The instruction was to step out of the circle if the energy would get too strong. This sounded quite ridiculous to me. During the exercise I thought I felt something. I wonder if it is my imagination. I start to feel nauseous. I open my eyes to see if other people are stepping out of the circle. Nobody is. I conclude that I must be exaggerating. Then white light starts to pump through my body and it goes higher and higher till it explodes out of my head.

I feel totally peaceful as a wake up from a deep sleep. I hear nice voices around me; angels are taking care of me. I am on the floor. I am comfortable and want to stay there. I hear that there is blood: I’m bleeding. I realize that I must have fallen on the floor. I have a gash in my eyebrow.

The next level

May 11, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon

I have decided to try to spend some time meditating in a monastery. The possibilities for trekking are limited and I have been contemplating what to do. The guys that I have been accompanying the last days will move on to other places. I could do the same and leave Ladakh to find nature somewhere else. Or I could stay and give up the wish for trekking and look for a place that facilitates deepening. I will do the latter. Hopefully I am fortunate enough to fall with my nose in the butter and will I meet a beautiful teacher: a warrior that I can write about.

It is a difficult decision. Ladakh I too beautiful to spent just 3 days walking. I wish I could stay here for 6 months. But this is not the case. I choose for the meditation because I feel I have a chance to open up part of my subconscious I haven’t opened before. Also, I feel ready. And I would like to arrive in Hong Kong well prepared as I have the feeling that there will be a lot of work to do.

A beautiful day

April 30, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 2 Comments

It is Monday today and it is Queensday in Holland, our national holiday. As my friends will roam the streets and canals of Amsterdam I will be in a train from Mumbai to Delhi, and completely sober.

But I feel very happy! I am happy that my friends and my country are celebrating today and I am happy for myself. I feel a sense of completion. Last Saturday I gave my workshop in Mumbai. The initial idea was to give a 2-day workshop and people would have to pay a fee. Nobody registered and my host (and now agent and manager) Anu was disappointed that she would not experience what my work was about. This made me decide to just throw a last minute 1-day gig for her and her friends, as a present to her. I expected about 10 people. To my surprise 26 people showed up; even a bigger group than in Beirut.

Every day a brand new day

April 24, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 4 Comments

When we are open to it our days are filled with all kinds of little surprises and miracles. Who would have guessed an hour ago that I would sit outside writing my blog (now with two dogs trying to play with me. Ah, the dogs kicked sand all over my precious AirBook. That’s it, Mr Adventurous is going back inside). Where was I? We have a choice. We can either try to control, manipulate, avoid or decrease our experience (as we generally do, just observe your inner commentary on everything if you don’t believe me) or we can embrace it as it is presented to us. We can open up to the moment. It is not a nuisance that the moods of your co-workers can differ every day; it is a miracle. The sun comes out: people start to undress and flirt. It rains: people become moody. Isn’t it fascinating? The world becomes a field of play.

Midnight in Mumbai

April 10, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon Leave a Comment

My friend contacted me yesterday to let me know he is getting married. I am very happy for him and very proud of his step. I am also sad because physically I will be very far away from him and his bride on the day of the wedding. And it saddens me that is not my turn. I feel like I have been put back to the end of the line again.

I cannot say that I am in a very dark place right now. There is a constant sadness about the loss of my relationship but it is beautiful too. Because when I am not confused by my concerns about finding the balance between giving her space and attention and am not trying to simultaneously cater to the needs of my journey and her path I am free to just love. I don’t have to worry if it is too much or too little because it is mine. This feels free. Sometimes it is a blissful love, sometimes it is a sad love, often I wish I could share my experiences with her and often I feel that I am on a good path. I don’t feel I should be somewhere else.

Iraqi’s love their children too

March 14, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 4 Comments

What could I say? His words send chills down my spine. There are 115.471 Iraqi civilians killed (and counting) because George Bush lied to the world that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. This number is just the civilians. Of course many, many more Iraqi soldiers had to be killed, men who were fathers, sons and husbands too, but killing soldiers is completely justified. I mean, if you can’t kill foreign soldiers anymore, what is the fun of having an army? I feel ashamed to be from a country that condoned that. How would it feel to live under a dictatorship and then have the most powerful country in the world come slaughter you? When America decides to liberate you from the dictator it used to support, you can be sure that no power in the world will be able to stop the killing. You are completely defenseless.

Are you ready to become a Warrior?