In transition

I haven’t been writing in a while. It has to do with me trying to find a new tone or a new voice. I don’t know what that voice will be and I am not sure if I am ready to own that new voice. It all has to do with the new face that this website will receive, hopefully quite soon. The website will receive a new look and feel and will be more professional. The idea is that Basic Goodness will grow up. So right now I am in transition. This is a difficult phase, I feel. I don’t know how it is for you but for it is a phase where you don’t identify with the old anymore but the new hasn’t arrived yet. What is inside the cocoon? Is it a caterpillar? I don’t think so. And it is not a butterfly either. I wonder if there is a word for it. The metaphor of the caterpillar and the butterfly is also an invitation to do nothing. In the cocoon you just wait for the transformation to unfold. I can clearly feel the urge to do nothing. But in real life it doesn’t work that way. Being paralyzed and lethargic is not the way to move through unfamiliar and insecure terrain. If you want to achieve things you haven’t achieved before you have to do things you haven’t done before. Lately I have learned a couple of things. I find it hard to do everything I do by myself, to find the motivation to expose myself, speak my truth and to follow my vision, day in day out. I have setbacks. It is not that I get astrayed from what I feel is right but I lose momentum.  When I asked a friend for help he told me that it is one of the most difficult things, to dig up your motivation from your own source. That helped, apparently it wasn’t weird that I find things difficult now and then because more people find similar things very challenging. Related to that is that I want to conquer that obstacle by creating alliances. I am getting there. But often I feel like I am building a sand castle on the beach. One moment everything looks awesome and promising and the next moment everything starts crumbling again.  And I have to start over or think of new solutions while permanently limited by scarcity of funds and – more importantly – my fear of rejection. Mustering up the courage to ask somebody to help me or cooperate with me can take me days and endless rumination. But I do feel that I have reached a tipping point. It hasn’t tipped yet but I am getting closer and closer. I am becoming more and more clear about short term, middle term and long term vision. This year I want to transform Basic Goodness from a sand castle into something solid and sustainable.