Bruce Highway, north of Yambaa, 40 km north of Rockhamptom.
I am in my van, parked at the side of the highway. Irene Cara with ”What a feeling” is coming out of the speakers. It was the theme song of the movie Flash Dance. Oh, sweet memories of the 80s. I have about half an hour of sunlight left: I can see the sun setting on my left and feel the warmth making place for shadows that are creeping up on me.
I turned around 2 days ago. I made it to Townsville (where the picture is taken before I went skinny dipping in the morning). Where earlier this week I was telling myself that my purpose here in Australia certainly couldn’t be just driving up north for 3000 kilometers and then turning around: I did exactly that. It felt rebellious when i made the decision and it felt right immediately after. After my kind of disappointing tourist experience in Airlie Beach I gave myself permission to do what I thought I shouldn’t: just drive around from National Park to National Park to walk for a couple of hours. It is funny that the symbolic turning point coincided with the literal and physical turning point (do we still believe in coincidences?).
There were more turning points on the day I decided to turn around. I received a message from the girl I visited in Brisbane. She had a big transformational experience. This is of course fantastic news. It’s a story that I want to tell you because it was insightful for me too.
I had met her briefly in the yoga school in Thailand and because she was from Australia and I didn’t know anybody here we kept in touch through Facebook. On one of these chats she confessed that she had some kind of spiritual experience when she met me. She felt stillness. Well, it’s always nice to hear that people have a positive experience when they meet me. I don’t know how it happens exactly; I don’t do anything on purpose (I was talking about my shoulder injury with some guy at the time).
I am never really sure what to do with this type of information. But in this case I decided to go drive in her direction and find out. My hard landing in Sydney had led to beautiful closure of my previous relationship so I felt open to anything. So far, so good. At the same I wasn’t really sure about my purpose. As I steered my hippie camper van up the highway in the direction of Brisbane I asked myself the question: “why I am a going to meet her?” And the answer that came up was: “I am here to support and serve her on her path”. Seriously, this was the answer.
So I showed up in Brisbane. And to be honest: it was not much fun at all. I don’t know: our communication was stiff, grainy. Or how do you say in English ‘not smooth, as if there is sand in the machine’? She felt defensive, hostile even. As if she was trying to compete with me.
It was kind of hard and looking back it explains the writer’s block I experienced: I did not feel free to talk about what was really going on. But it turned out to be good practice. It is easy to be all open and compassionate in a welcoming environment but to remain open when challenged is much more difficult. But I managed to keep my back straight and my heart open.. and I left after 3 nights. I admit: I was a bit confused. And I certainly did not feel as if I contributed to her path. I did not have a chance, I thought.
And then, at the day I decide to turn around, I receive a message that she had a huge transformational experience. I will not go too much into her insights but is was big, humbling and felt as if her spiritual identity had crumbled. And is was all around becoming really honest with herself. Very, very cool stuff. (And 5 hours later I received a message from my client from Lembongan that she felt great because for the first time in her career she delivered a speech ‘from the heart’ and actually made somebody in the audience cry; another huge break through, another turning point. But a different story.)
My friend from Brisbane expressed how grateful she was for my visit. But for me it was nice too: my initial feeling turned out to be a prediction! How cool is that? I felt I came to contribute and look what happened! How magical! It is a big thing for me because it confirms a feeling that I find sometimes difficult to trust. I am not 100% sure that every thing I say and do is understood how it is meant by me. And it still feels kind of strange to say about myself but lately things happen when people spend time with me. The only thing I have to do is to stick to what I feel is honest in the given moment. And it works: truth liberates and heals us. When we become honest things and people start to change. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes – and this is important to realize because it demands great trust – it takes years.
It took me a while (3073 kilometers to be exact) but I remember my purpose again: to be here and to be myself. To keep my heart open and my back straight. When I stick to that good things happen. I can trust that. This was the turning point.
PS: The kangaroo in the picture is not the girl I met in Brisbane. But since I finally saw a living kangaroo I wanted to show you too. 🙂
Do you appreciate what I am doing? Please support me and my journey by recommending and sharing my posts on Facebook. It is such a small effort and really important (let me explain). And please consider making a financial, moral or relational contribution. Your help means a lot (read here how amazing it feels).
Kathryn ehnebuske says
Ah yes, it’s hard to believe that being honest and being willing to show up as you actually are is really the only thing to “do.” As you noticed the magic happens in consenting to open to the mystery and letting it work through you. Humbling, yet awesome. Beautiful.