Basic Goodness

Life-changing journeys for talented human beings offered by a some zen dude with the brain of an advertising guy and the body of a nightclub doorman. Welcome to Atalwin's blog!

  • About
  • Ambien Purchase Online Buy Zolpidem Online Overnight Buy Ambien Cr Online Canada Ordering Ambien Online
  • Blog
  • Applause
  • Connect
  • 100 DW website

The little healer

November 14, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 8 Comments

Carmel, California, USA.

I sit on my bed. It is the bed in the guest room of my friends Ernst and Gretchen. They live in a cute house in Carmel, California. Carmel is a bit of a snobby town with a lot of wealthy retired people, boutiques, art galleries with unadventurous art, fresh air, fancy pastry shops and beautiful scenery. The neighborhood where this house is built is warm, cozy and welcoming.

One month ago Ernst and Gretchen unexpectedly lost their beautiful baby boy Sam. The cause of death had a name. It is called SIDS: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It happens to babies between 0 and 1 year old and the symptoms are that there are no symptoms. An autopsy will not reveal a probable cause of death: a perfect little child just leaves the realm of the living again, just like that.

I arrived on Sunday. Ernst and Gretchen had spent some time together on Maui and had come back that morning. The next day would be Ernst’s first day of going back to work. Everybody knew it would be a raw week. I came with an intention of just being available. I had no idea if I would be able to offer something. I didn’t want to be an intruder. It is kind of a big deal to take a guest in your house during the first days of ‘normal life’ after such a loss. At the same time I think we all had a sense of destiny: our paths crossed at this particular point in time and we are letting it happen. Maybe, just maybe there is something I can contribute around consciously choosing a healing path.

Yesterday I gently lured Gretchen into a healing session with pretty powerful results. It seems astonishing to find out that we can quite easily move from a place of overwhelming sadness to a place of inner peace. But it is not so strange. The sadness is fueled by not wanting to accept what is but also by a deep love for what seems to be lost. But the love is still there. Since the love is an ever-present and vast ocean it facilitates an inner stillness. I taught her how she can use the exercise as a tool to reconnect in desperate moments. Later I wrote a post and took a Skype call

This morning I spoke to a friend of Gretchen who is afraid to fall apart when she faces her girlfriend. She struggles with how she feels she should be around her mourning friend and fears she cannot live up to her self imposed expectations of being composed and uplifting. I offered to help her meeting her friend. She gratefully accepted. I went back to Gretchen and told her the outcome and she looked relieved too. I would meet with Gretchen later in the afternoon and went back to town to do some work.

So I felt quite a little healer. I could see myself biking around on Ernst’s mountain bike, facilitating relief and expansion everywhere I sat down. When I came back to the house I did my meditation and chanted my prayers in Sam’s room. It felt powerful, it felt good and it felt vulnerable.

As I sat outside in the sun waiting for Gretchen to come home I felt pretty serene and ready for the next session. But when she comes in she excuses herself and I can see she has had a very difficult afternoon. She retreats to her room. And for the first time that I am here I feel completely and utterly powerless. I realize that not a million well-meant meditation sessions can bring their little boy back.

And now I sit on my bed. I feel ashamed, defeated, humbled, insecure and terribly sad. Tears are rolling over my cheeks and deep down I want to sob uncontrollably but it feels inappropriate with Sam’s mom in the next room. I feel that it is good to at least get a taste of what they must be going through.

Just as I look at what I wrote and feel all stuck about where to go I realize that Sam is the little healer, taking all of us on this roller coaster through the rawest places in our hearts. And all of a sudden I know what the title of this post has to be.

Do you appreciate what I am doing? Please support me and my journey by recommending and sharing my posts on Facebook. It is such a small effort and really important (let me explain). And please consider making a financial, moral or relational contribution. Your help means a lot (read here how amazing it feels).

You may also like:

  1. In the oven
  2. Y’all stole my heart
  3. May The Force be with you
  4. The Street Fighter And The Boxer

Filed Under: Basic Goodness Tagged With: Death, Healing, Journey, Life, Love, Sadness, Sam van Eeghen, USA, Warrior

Comments

  1. Mam says

    November 16, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Tears in my eyes too. Give Gretchen a big hug from me. Love you xxxxx

    Reply
    • Atalwin Pilon says

      November 17, 2012 at 8:51 am

      Gretchen has received the hug!

      Reply
  2. Dana says

    November 16, 2012 at 1:58 am

    Thank you for sharing this. I am thinking of all of you.

    Reply
  3. Jen Connolly says

    November 18, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you for this post. Your presence to help heal is calming and healing in itself. I felt it first hand. Please tell Gretchen I love her. Jen

    Reply
    • Atalwin Pilon says

      November 19, 2012 at 4:10 am

      Thank you for the compliment and I told Gretchen you love her. Guess what? She loves you too!

      Reply
  4. Jutta says

    November 18, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    It is so good when we know that there is only one who can truly comfort us, because He made us. Jesus the creator of heaven and earth.

    Reply
    • Atalwin Pilon says

      November 19, 2012 at 4:07 am

      I am not so much into limiting beliefs myself but if you believe that ‘only one can truly comfort you’ and it gives you inner peace it’s fine with me.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 12 Things Every Guy Should Master To Become A Real Man - says:
    August 30, 2019 at 7:31 pm

    […] The Little Healer, Meeting the Teacher and Y’all Stole My Heart about the life and death of baby Sam van Eeghen and my time with his mourning parents in Carmel, California. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

SideAd

Would you like some Basic Goodness in your inbox too?

More than 2,367 awesome people from all over the world follow Basic Goodness. Sign up and join our tribe if you are into courageous living too.
* = required field
Language



powered by MailChimp!

Top 5 Most Popular

  • The black wolf and the white wolf (360628 Views)
  • 12 things every guy should master to become a real man (341702 Views)
  • Using social media as a tool for spiritual growth (98654 Views)
  • Open letter to my teacher Genpo Merzel (70414 Views)
  • Blog (63722 Views)

13 Questions to Joost

13 Questions to Douwe

13 Questions to Joan

Tagcloud

100 Day Warrior Amsterdam Anger Australia Bali Beautiful Beirut Blogging Colombia Compassion Courage Death Ego Fear Frustration good Gratitude Healing Heart Honesty Hong Kong India Insight Inspiration Iraq Journey Joy Karma Liberation Life Love Masks Meditation Personal Relationships Sadness Sam van Eeghen Thailand Transformation USA Vulnerability Warrior Wholeheartedness Wisdom Zen

You may also like

  1. In the oven
  2. Y’all stole my heart
  3. May The Force be with you
  4. The Street Fighter And The Boxer

Are you ready to become a Warrior?

Click the button below and dive into the World of the Warrior. You will find everything you need to know about the course and you can register immediately. Your transformation is important, it's how you will inspire the people around you to follow.

Learn more about the 100 Day Warrior

  • About
  • Blog
  • Applause
  • Connect
  • 100 DW website

Copyright © 2023 · Genesis Framework by StudioPress · WordPress · Log in