Carmel, California, USA.
I feel honored. I feel baffled. I feel strong. I feel excited.
This morning I did a session with Gretchen, the mom of Sam; the baby boy that left us so soon. And sometimes when I work with people something magical happens. This time was certainly one of the most magical experiences I have had this year, perhaps even in my life.
What happened was that it seemed that we connected with Sam’s energy. And I say ‘seemed’ because it still sounds weird to me when I say these things out loud. How can I connect with the energy of a little boy that is not with us any more? But deep down I totally trust my experience; even though my rational mind can’t understand it and wants to tell me it is impossible I have no doubt in my heart.
It has happened to me before. When I was in Hong Kong I did a session with a Chinese therapist and at some point during the session I could feel her parents. It was a bit of a difficult feeling because I could feel their judgments, the high expectations they had of their daughter and their inability to express their emotions. At the same time there was love. I could feel how conflicted the parents were because of their culture and upbringing. Although they loved their daughter they had a huge fear that her going her own path would lead her to disaster (i.e. poverty and social exclusion).
Today was entirely different. Sam felt like a spiritual teacher to me. I am not making this up. It has blown my mind. I don’t think I ever felt such a powerful presence of love, compassion and kindness. During the session my experience shifted. I was not feeling the cute little baby anymore with all its innocence. I felt a very powerful, wise and mature soul. Actually, he felt as my senior: wiser and kinder than me. I feel very honored and humbled to become acquainted with him.
What I strongly feel was that his mission to the earth was not a mistake nor that the mission was aborted before completion. His mission was supposed to be short and was executed perfectly. The goal was to put everybody who loved him so dearly in front of the enormous challenge of coming to terms with his early departure.
From a relative or personal level this sucks completely, of course. You not only receive a child, you receive a little Buddha. Intuitively you know this but you can’t really put your finger on it. I can only imagine how humbling and awesome that must have felt. And instead of hanging out for some 80, 90 years he leaves after 4 months and 2 weeks. What the heck is up with that? It feel so unfair, so cruel.
From a soul perspective we can see that such an enormous test as healing from the loss of a son or grandson can only facilitate a huge leap of inner development. Healing brings compassion. When we truly live through and feel through something so difficult without hiding and suppressing anything we come out purified instead of bitter. We are sent on a journey through the soul, discovering places of darkness and light we never knew to be part of us. The integration of both the dark and the light brings kindness, forgiveness and understanding of self and others.
Personally, I fall back into places of just hurting. Life hurts me quite often and in those moments I find it hard to trust and to see that ‘everything is all good and perfect’. But I do experience the other side too. And on rare occasions I have met beings who truly seem to have transcended that state of suffering permanently. My meeting with Sam this morning gave me that feeling. I imagine that meeting the Dalai Lama would be a similar experience.
The spiritual teacher is the embodiment of pure wisdom and pure compassion. No trace of ego is left. He wants us to be free and will do anything necessary to help us liberate ourselves. He will send us on a difficult path, to places we would not find without his guidance. Even if it would mean he would hurt what he loves the most he would take it upon himself as his trust in goodness is immaculate. Today I have met such a teacher. I have met Sam.
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