Meeting Shakti

Bhagsu, India.

Tantric practice is amazing and I think everybody should integrate it in his personal and spiritual life.

Although I have had no mind-blowing breakthroughs since Wednesday I have had some nice experiences. The classes are a mixture of theory and meditation, yoga and exercises. Nothing explicitly sexual happens in the classroom but the theory is pretty straightforward. At the same time the space is held well, the participants are all nice people and there is emphasis on the spiritual aspects.

On an energetical level the idea is to contain the sexual energy, to not lose it, on a physical level that means for men to not ejaculate. But there is more. Another important principle is transfiguration. That means to see your partner not as your partner but as Shiva or Shakti. All men are representations of Shiva, all women are representations of Shakti. When you make love, you are not making love to your partner but to Divine Femininity or Divine Masculinity.

Shiva energy is still, Shakti energy fluid. During a certain exercise us men sit in a circle and a woman comes sit in front of us. For two minutes we look each other in the eyes and then we had to write down 3 of the Divine aspects of the Goddess in front of us and then put the piece of paper in an envelop she carried. Shakti would do the same. The women would move from man to man.

For some people it is already a huge thing to look somebody straight in the eyes and to say something nice about the other. I am not shy to look somebody in the eyes. But I found it quite amazing to see the Goddess appear in front of me in many forms. I could really see and feel beauty in all of them. I had no problem finding inspiration to write something kind about them.

I think the experience was mutual for the Shakti’s who wrote about me (for some reason a bit harder to believe). This is what I found in my envelope:

Kind, strong, Shiva stillness, sensitive, softness, evolution, warmth, protector, loyal, innocence, longing, pilgrimage, openness, love, curious, beautiful, clarity, simplicity, void, shine, seeker, fragility, open heart, wisdom, serenity.

“Shiva, you have light in your eyes: strong and soft, with kindness and guiding force. I feel your deep love”.

How nice to hear something like that and how healing. And isn’t this something we should take time to do when we have a lover? To just take time to see the God or the Goddess in the other and to find the words to honor the Divine appropriately?

Yesterday the classroom was transformed into a ‘temple of senses’. First the Shiva’s had to sit in circle and were blindfolded. The light was dimmed and the music started. Then the Shakti’s came with sweet and soft fruit, feathers, hands, whispers, chocolate and different fragrances. It was a meditation of the senses and literally a sensational experience. After our turn it was the turn of the Shakti’s to receive.

Of course we can all see that putting more attention into love making by adding feathers, veils and blindfolds would improve our love lives. But it is more than just turning the other on. The goal is to develop sensitivity all over the body and not just pay attention to the genital areas. So the exercise was truly a meditation.

It was amazing to just receive impersonal feminine tenderness and love. It made me feel good about myself and I feel that feeling good about ourselves is a universal human need. So often and on so many levels we don’t feel good about ourselves. And when it comes to sex and intimacy we also find many reasons not to feel good about our performance or our experience. Or we do feel proud about our performance and it becomes an ego-thing, creating separation (I was better than others). The exercise made me feel strong, appreciated, accepted, wanted, loved and masculine. Basically how any man likes to feel about himself, with or without a relationship. Oh, and let me not forget: I felt deeply grateful for the Shakti energy.

To make it extra fascinating: I have met Shakti before but at that time I didn’t now her name. During an ayahuasca ceremony in 2009 I had a very clear vision of the woman I was in a relationship with appearing as the Divine Feminine before me; a sensual Goddess bathing in golden light. I was in deep awe of what I saw and it made me realize that the one who I was looking for was already there. But not until now I received context. It feels electrifying but also humbling and confusing since we are no longer together. But with hindsight I am grateful for my experience and the blessing Shakti gave me then and now. It changed my life.