Basic Goodness

Life-changing journeys for talented human beings offered by a some zen dude with the brain of an advertising guy and the body of a nightclub doorman. Welcome to Atalwin's blog!

  • Connect
  • Cheapest Zolpidem Tartrate Buy Zolpidem In Canada Ambien Buy Online Uk Buy Cheap Generic Ambien Online Ambien Buy Ambien Online Canada
  • 100 DW website

Don’t take yourself so fucking seriously

July 12, 2012 By Atalwin Pilon 1 Comment

Chiang Rai, Thailand.

How different do I feel from this morning. How does our interior experience change and flow from moment to moment. I felt so stuck, lonely and unaccepting of what was this morning and it has all dissolved. Things that were experienced as fears and obstacles this morning have now changed into answers and facts. What was a a big problem before was not a problem anymore a couple of hours later.

Sometimes I get tired of the ego in general and my own ego specifically. But sometimes it is funny too. And the joy comes often after I have blown something out of proportion first and having worked through it. Then I gain a new perspective and it looks and feels rather light, amusing and endearing.

This morning I was feeling very disappointed about the lack of integrity that I experienced on an elephant excursion that was marketed as an authentic and integer experience. It was not an intentional evilness but it was the scent of commercial glib that rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t like it when something is disguised, when the message is fuzzy or unclear, when I am fooled, betrayed or taken advantage of. When I look at the previous sentence now I can quite clearly see that these are the same things that happened to me as a child. When I am in the middle of it I can’t understand why I can’t let go of the situation and I can’t make the connection. But now, with a bit of hindsight, I can see the charade played by grown-ups and my inability to voice my indignation for lacking the language skills.

When I was a child I could be so angry that I literally would suffocate myself because I would stop breathing. My mom recalls a moment where she slapped me to make me breathe again. When I am put on the back of the elephant and asked to play along with the illusion that I am part of an elite audience that gets to learn how to ride an elephant in the traditional way while the elephant is clearly just walking the same route he walks everyday and is not responding to any of the cues (because he knows better) I feel so not taken seriously that it makes me want to explode. That I seem to be alone in this makes it confusing. It is funny how similar these two examples are and also funny to see how little I moved on in the last 36 years.

Somewhere along the path I picked up a lesson that works well for me: “Don’t take yourself so fucking seriously”. Or, as Suzuki roshi put it: “To laugh at oneself is Enlightenment. So yeah, we carry a lot of crap around with us from times long ago and yeah it sucks when we get caught up in it. But it is is just the ego, it is just our stuff. It is not the final reality and it is not permanent. And right now I find the image of an angry 40 years old child on top of an elephant very funny. And he might still have work to do on his anger issues, getting of the elephant and not playing along the charade was a good decision.

There was more. I am in Chiang Rai now and I am getting closer to Phra Kru Bah, the warrior-monk I want to meet. Because I have seen the documentary about him I had the feeling there would be all jungle here. As you might know I am terrible at preparing myself so I thought I was throwing myself in the jungle today. When I bought a ticket to this city and entered a nice and clean air-conditioned bus filled with nice and clean Thai I realized that the place might not be as remote as I imagined it. (I am laughing again as I type this). For the first time it dawned upon me that even Chiang Rai has hotels and I would not be sleeping on the floor. So I took my iPhone and Googled myself a hostel in 5 minutes, where I am now. The guy at reception knows Phra Kru Bah by reputation. His temple is 45 km from here. He will write a note for me in Thai as indeed nobody will speak English at The Golden Horse Temple. Until now the language barrier was a fear and an obstacle but now it became a fact. So what if the monks don’t speak English? I will just be with them for a while and absorb.

Tomorrow I will go to The Golden Horse Temple, armed with a meditation cushion and a big bottle of insect repellent. Life is good.

(This post is decorated with random pictures from a temple and of a baby elephant that I saw yesterday).

Do you appreciate what I am doing? Please support me and my journey by recommending and sharing my posts on Facebook. It is such a small effort and really important (let me explain). And please consider making a financial, moral or relational contribution. Your help means a lot (read here how amazing it feels).

You may also like:

  1. Confusion
  2. Stick to the basics
  3. Kindness is the key
  4. The problem with servants

Filed Under: Basic Goodness Tagged With: Ego, Honesty, Insight, Journey, Thailand, Warrior

Comments

  1. Justyna says

    July 12, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    nice one 🙂 I can totally relate to the emotions and the laughter 🙂 love J.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

SideAd

Would you like some Basic Goodness in your inbox too?

More than 2,367 awesome people from all over the world follow Basic Goodness. Sign up and join our tribe if you are into courageous living too.
* = required field
Language



powered by MailChimp!

Top 5 Most Popular

  • The black wolf and the white wolf (406962 Views)
  • 12 things every guy should master to become a real man (379228 Views)
  • Using social media as a tool for spiritual growth (153260 Views)
  • Open letter to my teacher Genpo Merzel (82639 Views)
  • I dare you to become more than a coward and a liar (62799 Views)

13 Questions to Joost

13 Questions to Douwe

13 Questions to Joan

Tagcloud

100 Day Warrior Amsterdam Anger Australia Bali Beautiful Beirut Blogging Colombia Compassion Courage Death Ego Fear Frustration good Gratitude Healing Heart Honesty Hong Kong India Insight Inspiration Iraq Journey Joy Karma Liberation Life Love Masks Meditation Personal Relationships Sadness Sam van Eeghen Thailand Transformation USA Vulnerability Warrior Wholeheartedness Wisdom Zen

You may also like

  1. Confusion
  2. Stick to the basics
  3. Kindness is the key
  4. The problem with servants

Are you ready to become a Warrior?

Click the button below and dive into the World of the Warrior. You will find everything you need to know about the course and you can register immediately. Your transformation is important, it's how you will inspire the people around you to follow.

Learn more about the 100 Day Warrior

  • Connect
  • 100 DW website

Copyright © 2025 · Genesis Framework by StudioPress · WordPress · Log in