We all know the quote from Marianne Williamson “our greatest far is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are light beyond measure” (which is often but incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela). Profound words are nice to listen to, somewhere inside us they touch us. We recognize them as truth. But although they resonate, that doesn’t make us own the particular teaching immediately. It is true but is it true for me this very moment?
I’ve had experiences with this ‘light beyond measure’. It changed my life. It made me see there is no “I”, there is no separation. We are truly One. But every time I returned to the state of separation where we live our every day life. I’ve seen enough to trust this truth, to let me be guided by it. I learned that all we need to do is to be. The practice of life is a continuous surrendering to being. This might sound as a cliché or vague until you realize how your continuous doing keeps you out of the moment. Presence is residing in the moment, just being there.
Practice is returning to the present moment, returning to what is real, returning to being over and over again. In a way that’s all I write about: about getting lost and finding myself back. I use myself as an example of a man on the path, struggling his way through. I am open about my weaknesses and my dark sides because owning these terrains are the source of growth.
The last 13 days I have been fasting and meditating. In between I go running or work out. Some of my fellow retreat participants (who don’t fast or excersize) were impressed by this. My reaction is to say something that I slightly devaluating. “Oh well, it’s just something I like to do”. I wasn’t receiving them. Until yesterday when I suddenly realized “Hey, wait a minute! It is actually amazing how easy I just flick the switch to an extreme regime! And you know what, I can do that at will! I can will anything I want! I do have tremendous willpower!”. With that insight a huge amount of stories I have about myself can go overboard. Beliefs I hold on to like that I’m not good enough, that stuff just won’t work out for me: it’s just not true. I’m showing it to myself and I wasn’t even noticing. I can achieve anything I set my mind to. And all of a sudden I realize that I already came a long way. I never set my mind to achieving a lot of money but I wanted to be a good person since I was kid.
An yes, it is true. Somehow it is harder to own the fact that I have tremendous strength than to admit my fears. So here goes: I have enormous will power, perseverance, courage, patience, compassion and drive. There I said it. I will and shall do great things in this life time. Yes, I can. And so can you.