One of my major pitfalls is that I have a deep rooted feeling of not being good enough but insufficient and inadequate. I act this out by trying to improve myself all the time. I work out hard, eat healthy, meditate, read and write. I’m trying to overcompensate the painful gap that I feel, hoping I will be accepted if I just can be a better coach, trainer, friend, boyfriend, lover or son. I try hard in the hopes that I will see the image I have of myself reflected back at me.
On the other hand I know that the gap I’m speaking about is non-existent. I’ve experienced to wholeness of things, I know, no I know I am essentially whole and complete, that there is nothing lacking. The glimpses I had from the Truth were so powerful that I have no choice than let my trust guide me. It’s this trust that makes me do things that feel very unsafe to my ego, over and over again.
So I’m caught up in this eternal dance of my loving heart and my fearful ego. My hearts want to embrace, my ego wants to compare and judge. And when I embrace my comparing and judging my ego tells me that I can now safely say that nobody can embrace as good as me, creating distance again between me and other.
Sometimes it’s helpful to see the truth. Not inside us but right in front of us. Sometimes we see something that is very pure, very fragile and we realize it’s perfect even if it isn’t.
Please sacrifice 5 minutes of your precious life to watch this video. I hope you feel what I felt.