I have not much else to say than thank you. This has been a great day with sad, warm, quiet and happy moments. Ubud, the place where we are now, is definately my cup of tea. It’s beautiful, green, filled with yoga studios, organic smoothie bars, awesome food, healthy people and happines. But apart from that I feel just grateful for this life, grateful for all the people that touch or have touched my life, grateful for the work that I do, grateful for nature and yes, I feel grateful for yoga (who would have thought).
Mike asked me this morning if I missed my ex-girlfriends. His question made me realize that I still love all of them. My first love was Javanese so it is impossible not to think of her when I’m surrounded by so many young women who share the features she has. I realized I don’t miss her in the sense that she is lacking in my life. She is still there, I love her, I’m grateful for the great time we had together and I’m happy for her that she now has a beautiful daughter and a good man. My second relationship was very difficult and never had the closure I wished. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her anymore, furthermore it was an extremely important relationship for me becaused it was our suffering that opened me up. If it wasn’t for her Basic Goodness never would have existed. I’m not ready to call my latest girlfriend an ex-girlfriend and I surely miss her but stepping out of the dynamics we had at home makes me realize I love her a lot, I wish her all the happiness in the world and maybe the Universe grants us a new start.
It is nice – very nice – to experience that love is always there. Yes, it get’s covered up, misunderstood, colored, tainted or we feel disconnected from it but sometimes we just feel it. I don’t need to be near somebody to love somebody. That feels very liberating.
This morning I received a beautiful letter in the comments of the post ‘Surrender’ from a reader. Not only did he help me see this (that I don’t need to near to love), it also made me realize again that I can trust that my voice is appreciated by some, even when they don’t let themselves know. A bit paradoxical, I know: once I am reassured by the way of a comment that readers who don’t comment still appreciate my efforts I can let go of the idea that readers who don’t comment don’t like my stuff.
I’m thinking now “what have I learned today?” because it feels that I haven’t learned anything, that I’m merely letting you know I’m just happy. But on second thought I realize that I am harvesting now. I have said before that happines is not something we should strive for, it is a side effect caused by living from the heart. So I guess I’m letting you know that now and then everything falls into place and meditation, writing, yoga, being honest and trying to serve as good as one can lead to having a very beautiful day. And I wish to thank you for that. Because without you, the Universe would be incomplete.
Oh.. and do you know why it feels so good to say thank you? It allows gratitude to flow. I just realized that when I finished the previous paragraph. Now you go try it out for yourself!