Yesterday I wrote about the beauty of weakness. The reason was that we both had fallen ill. Today it feels like I am almost completely recovered while my buddy Mike is still having a very hard time. The difference between me and him is that he is still fighting, trying to deny the fact that he is vulnerable and weak where I allowed the energy to pass through. Of course I cannot prove this scientifically but it seems to be the case. I just tried to explain this to Mike who is sitting on the bed with me as I write. That’s nice because now I have something to write about. It’s what I saw yesterday, when I was feeling so sick and weak myself.
Often we do not appreciate our lives and our bodies fully. We like the facts to be different, we are often unsatisfied. As you might have noticed in my rant about my body fat, I myself can relate to that without any difficulty. But what I’ve learned is to balance it, because I know I’m inherently whole, that I’m more than just my fear driven ego. Negative thoughts about ourselves are born from this existential fear we all possess. It’s quite easy to figure out. Just catch a negative thought and analyze it. Or catch a positive self affirming thought and do the same. When you dig around a bit you will find that you are maintaining quite a childish image of yourself. With childish I mean that the idea has been there for a long time, in fact since childhood, and hasn’t matured a lot. One of my personal favorite’s is “I’m not good enough”. Alas, it’s still bothering me. But what makes it much more bearable is that I know now that the opposite is also true.
We find this truth in our hearts. In the beginning it’s a bit hard to find because thoughts are distracting us. But if you sit upright and concentrate on your breathing for a couple of moments and just observe the breath flowing in and out you will probably find a sense of ok-ness, of acceptance, of relaxation. What you are experiencing is not the effect of a technique, there is nothing artificial about it. What you are experiencing is the real you, you are experiencing yourself as a source of acceptance and relaxation. You are the source! The mind clutter is the fabrication, and obeying the mind clutter is what makes you artificial. How about that for a paradigm shift? Do you now see why every wisdom tradition encourages some sort of meditation? Otherwise we stay stuck in the realm of thoughts and thinking. We need to go beyond.
I’m not as enlightened as Eckhart Tolle or guys like that. That means that I have an active ego that I have to catch when it is trying to delude me. Writing these little articles helps me in clarifying stuff. Now back to my insight of yesterday. What I saw when I checked in was that the flame of my inner candle was weaker, more fragile than usual. But a small flame isn’t less beautiful than a big and bright flame. It’s useless to judge, condemn or reject the flame because it’s size does not meet our expectations or when the brightness isn’t what we are normally used to. The proper question to ask is “what does the flame need from me?” (and not “how do I get back to my usual brightness, the brightness I’m entitled too asap?”). The small flame needs more care and attention. Probably very old people have a very small flame. They need only care and attention. Not to prolong their lives but because it is a nice way to end their journey.
What I can also see is that my body is healing me even when I’m not very supportive in the process. Even when I hate and blame myself for being a weak, sick loser my body will heal me. Now that is compassion. Our bodies probably love us more than we love our bodies. I feel that it makes sense to let my ego step aside and let my body do the healing, without it being hindered by accusations and judgments, coming from old thoughts and negative beliefs. We can trust that our bodies are wiser than we are. When we feel sick the body want to take care of something. Just get out of the way.
Then a final note: I write this stuff just as it comes up. It seems that when we allow ourselves to speak or write the words that come up we come closer to the truth and it seems to resonate as I receive more and more visitors. Please do not think that your words are less valuable than mine or that it’s less scary for me to write from the heart than for you. Don’t feel embarrassed to comment. The opposite is true. We are with about 250 regular readers and it feels kind of awkward that the vast majority hasn’t opened their mouths, heart or fingers yet. It is nice for me to hear your voices. I would really appreciate that. No need to comment all the time. Just now and then. Is that ok?