Boundaries

I have a strange relation with boundaries. When I started my search at 29 it was because I was finally hearing the feedback I wasn’t able to hear before. In the eyes of others my ‘problem’ was that I was not respectful of their boundaries. My problem was that I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. I had the idea that the world was filled with invisible boundaries. Or invisible, everybody seemed to see them but me and if I then accidently crossed such a line people would be hurt and angry.

After the experience of transformation in 2004 I realized that had not only been blind to other people’s boundaries but that I also was unable to see my own. But the breaking of the shell of our hearts leaves us feeling very vulnerable. So having some boundaries made complete sense to me, all of a sudden. From that moment I understood boundaries. A boundary is not a wall, mind you. An inner wall disconnects us from ourself. But to be able to feel our own boundaries we have to stay open to the experience. Then we should communicate our boundaries in time and not when it’s too late. It’s very subtle. It was a whole new world for me. And it is great. Boundaries tend to be very fluid where walls are solid. My experience is that the more compassionate and sensitive I am towards to boundaries around me (they’re all there for a good reason), they can move or even dissolve. Space is created, connectedness arises. I can tell you, that feels a lot better than causing resistance. And yes, it is a deed of compassion to communicate your boundaries. When a car is heading for a frontal collision with a wall, don’t you think it would be nice if you make the unaware driver aware with a gentle touch?

But then, you know, shit happens and the Universe decides I need to learn the same lesson again. It seems that some people think that because I have turned Buddhist and talk a lot about compassion and stuff I have become pretty harmless and that it is ok to decide not to pay me after I have given 12 workshops for them because.. well because times are tough and not paying seemed a good solution. Maybe they wanted me to practice non-attachment to my fee but I took it as a practice of setting boundaries. It is really nice to give but it gets fishy when giving turns into getting taken advantage of. When giving doesn’t energize me anymore something is going wrong. Not that I noticed in time the alarmbells setting off. But today the final insult came and I took action. No more Mister Nice Guy. Obey the contract or I’ll call my lawyer (or something along those lines).

An now the miracle: not only do a feel a huge relief and did the knot in my stomach dissolve. It seems that the blocked energy has started flowing on more than just the physical level. Tonight the phone rang and two new clients pooped up out of nowhere. Feels like the Universe is patting me on the shoulder. Well done, boy. Keep your heart open and your back straight.